Makers 2021: Hannah Umphlett
“Aging: Infancy, Young Adult, Middle Aged”
A series of 16″ x 20″ canvas portraits and 6″ x 6″ canvas beauty supplies
My series is a feminist critique on the female response to aging as well as our definition of beauty. As women age, our routines noticeably shift from self care to placating insecurities with makeup. At what age do women become insecure, afraid to leave the house without “being ready”? When does our natural face become ugly without a beautification ritual? The western beauty standard is routed in the delicacy of youth–flawless, hairless, smooth skin without a hint of blemish or wrinkle.
Never have I, in my twenty years, witnessed a single woman cheer at the formation of wrinkles or age spots or looser skin. I have heard them insult and belittle themselves for daring to be older, for the absolute sin of not being a teenager again. For women, to age is to fail, to wither away, to become disrespected, and worst of all, to become ugly. Humans naturally fear death, but culturally, this fear of aging (and even worse, showing signs of age) is exaggerated in women.
How many of us have read magazine covers detailing how to “age gracefully?” To age gracefully is to look like a twenty year old, with the maturity and knowledge of a fifty year old without betraying your expert makeup routine, your ten step skincare routine, your botox, your fillers, or your hairdresser’s skill?
I spent nearly fifteen hours alone on my self portrait as I struggled to not embellish my own features to look more conventionally attractive. I think it speaks volumes that what should be a brutally honest depiction of myself was almost a farce as I tried to embellish my own features. I am twenty years old and I still struggle leaving my apartment without makeup without feeling hideous. I know my existence and self worth isn’t tied down to being “pretty” in public but..If I do not look pretty, I do not feel good about myself. I have battled these self esteem issues since I was twelve; it is incredibly damaging to constantly seek validation for your looks. Yet every girl I know experiences this.
My mother, upon seeing her finished portrait, remarked jokingly, albeit with a tinge of sadness, “you made me pretty!” How can I undo 55 years of cultural damage telling her she is ugly, when I have never found her to be anything but beautiful? How can I protect my baby niece from this? Is that even possible?
The relationship between women and our beauty rituals affects us in every aspect; my understanding of what I truly look like is flawed because of it. Women deserve better. Self love isn’t just making yourself attractive. Because true self love is not making yourself feel pretty to feel good. Girls deserve to feel comfortable existing in their body, naturally. Girls should not have this pathological, deeply unhappy obsession with what we look like.